Saturday, December 07, 2019

Another one from the past...

I often find myself running away
Into the recesses of my mind
My feet don’t seem to move even an inch
But I would’ve run for miles
What do I want to run from?
Or is it something I’m running to?
Why don’t I want to stay in reality?
Why do I focus on what I cannot see?
What is this place that intrigues me so
That I never to want to ever leave?
Am I wasting away this time in this world
In my pursuit to dig in deep?
Am I on the edge of sanity
Or am I at the door to wisdom infinite?
I suppose I’ll know only if I make the dive
I’ll know if I’ll live or if I’ll die
Is it worth the risk I have to take
Is it worth losing it all?
It’s better than to not know at all...

Life and I

This was a poem I had written what feels like many lifetimes ago. I found it in an old journal and thought it belonged here on this blog.

A slow dance with Life
Cheek to cheek; hand in hand
Never stepping on toes
Never missing a step
The perfect couple on the floor
The object of envy in many an eye
To be in such a well-matched rhythm
Like we’ve always been together
Like we’ll be this way forever...

A ride on a motorcycle with Life
I drive and Life navigates
Reach new places, travel new roads
Eat dust, breathe smoke
Risk all that we have and know
Go the fastest our ride can go
No idea on what’s round the bend
Life and I, we’d have to part ways in the end
But we’d have had the best times together
I’d rather ride into the dust
Than slow dance to eternity.

Wednesday, January 04, 2017

Vagabond Heart

This was an old poem I had written..... I just felt like bringing it up again and changing it up, to be what it ought to have been from the start....




The vagabond heart
Can never be yours to hold on to.
The freedom; the unfettered existence
Makes her who she is.
She could never be forced to stay
Might linger on if let go.
A Spirit, as restless as a hurrying creek
Cannot be stilled into a silent lake.
You could be the bank, perhaps,
And run by her side to eternity
Or be a little leaf maybe,
And let her take you on an amazing journey
Who knows, the mysteries you could unfold
The magic you could find on that adventure!
The vagabond heart...
I could be yours forever.

Monday, August 22, 2016

The Last Gift of True Love

It started 19 years ago with a first glance, when they smiled at each other. That smile touched their hearts and set them aflutter. It was "Love at First Sight" in its most literal sense. They had the blessing of all the elders and their families came together as if they had always been one big unit filled with love, laughter and friendship.

When they became man and wife in the eyes of God, it was simply a re-affirmation of everything they felt inside. How could God have known, that these two individuals, who had never crossed paths before, who had no idea about each other's existence, should be "matched" together in such a manner? They were like two parts of a single whole which got drawn together through the fabric of life to finally become one.

A few years later, she gave him the greatest gift a man could ever ask for... a chance to be an amazing father to a little daughter. To have a chance to hold in his hand, a piece of his heart, his perfect little bundle of joy. She was the essence of their love with parts of both of them.

The years that followed were not easy. Like every couple, they faced the trials and tribulations that life threw at them and all of the different challenges that tested their relationship. But through them all, the one constant that kept them going was that love that they had found in each other.

That love radiated to everyone around them. They celebrated their simple joys, opened their hearts out to everyone who came into their lives. Like every man, woman and child, they built their dream and worked towards making it come true, and all the while, never once forgetting about God, their family and all of the people who needed them. Selfless in their actions, they just continued making this world a better place in their own little ways, for everyone who crossed their paths.

They were unaware that their future had a huge shadow cast on it. The biggest test of all.
The hardest tribulation a heart could ever endure.
Their happy world shook with the tremors of one single blow that fate doled out. In an instant,  everything changed.

He got trapped in a world whence he could not reach out, his body broken, unresponsive and dying. His mind hearing her earnest pleas to keep fighting, to not leave her, to not give up. His fingers entwined in hers but not able to clasp on and reassure her that he was there. He was still there.

She cast aside her fears and hung on to every bit of faith, to hold on to him. Everyday, for the next 50 days, she cast her worries outside as she walked to be by his side, as the monitors beeped to tell her that his heart still beat for her. She would talk to him, pray with him, egg him on to keep fighting. And even as his body kept breaking and crumbling from the inside, he held on, only because she asked him to. As things got bleaker, she kept getting stronger, Her prayers to keep him with her, were so strong that, everytime he almost fell off the cliff, he would come back. The men of science were baffled about what still kept him here - no science, no medicine could have sustained that broken body for as long as he did, and yet, they saw this miracle unfold before their eyes day after day. Every night, she'd pray to God to keep him safe for her so she come see him the next morning and pray again. Despite all of the pain and anguish, his body was putting him through, he chose to endure being trapped in that diseased, dying mortal shell only because she needed him. He wouldn't leave her side even though the life force was leaving his body. Even as she watched him wither and become frail she couldn't let go of a hope that, somehow his broken body would become whole again and he would once again, go back to being that man who smiled with his eyes and who kept her safe from everything.

Until one day, when she could no longer deny the pain he was enduring for her sake, when she saw the fight he was putting up in a battle that his body had already lost out to, she decided to do something.

She gave him the greatest gift anyone could ever give someone they love.....

Transcending all of her own selfish desires and needs, she tore through the strings of her heart and let it break into a million shards, so he could be free. She made the one last prayer to God to save him, to do what was right for him. She gave up her love, for the sake of her love. And as if it were the only cue he had been waiting for, the only sign he needed from her, in that very instant, he held God's hand which had been waiting for him all along and he let himself be saved.

They showed God and all of us that true love knows no bounds.... true love isn't about keeping it with you... true love is about enduring... about sacrifice and about letting go...

They will be together once again in time... in a different realm where there would be no mortal shells.... where they would be together happily, ever after.

Friday, December 09, 2005

In pursuit of that which is not at hand, each of us lives every day looking for something greater than ourselves. Some look beyond the stars to find secrets of the universe, some look for it in the most infinitesimal particle that compose all that is tangible and ‘real’. Where do I seek my big secret? My great truth, my enlightenment – it is a perpetually elusive idea, so wanton that I can not even begin to place a finger on what it is. How do I attribute a means to finding what I know not, I am looking for?

It is something within I try to fathom most of the time. But restlessness of my heart permits me not, to delve in deeper than a few superficial glances, enough to cause a momentary ripple. I quickly let myself get caught up in the pace of the world revolving around me and soon I get lost in my mundane work. What started as an escape has fast morphed into a habit. All things that were dear to me are now grey shadows that sit in an attic in my soul, gathering dust, rust and cobwebs. The memories still haunt me so that they manifest as remorseful sighs that do not dare escape the premise of my being. I exist now, akin to a haunted mansion, which once boasted of grandeur so spectacular but now sits dark and dreary.

Once in a while, there is a flicker of light here and there, a spark from something I see or hear or a story that moves me and lets me wash out the debris down my cheeks. The glass panes clear up and I catch a glimpse of something inside. The coal is still red under all the ashes. If only I can let the wind in and fan the embers; who knows, I might just be able to rekindle the fire and let some warmth into the cold crevices of my heart before it all turns to stone.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

november rain

simple things, little experiences, my life's made up of those things.
this evening, flowed into a beautiful, enchanted night. the breeze brought with it drops of rain. the yellow tree outside the window, grew bleary through the rain-stained living room window pane. a cherry-flavoured candle, its reflection in the pane, making the rain drops glisten as they slide down...
inside, devoid of light, except for the candle, some great music.... an evening that would make everything else fade away into oblivion.
that i dont have to think of what tomorrow brings, the things i need to take care of...
my life, split into these infitessimal moments.
i make a difference to no greater good.
but my soul's just drifting into an orbit that revolves around something greater than all that i know. a place found in dreams alone. the place i have forgotten about... a place i wish to return to...

Sunday, October 09, 2005

Motorcycles and Me

Today, I rode a Kawasaki Eliminator 250 cc. Although it was within the confines of a riding range, I still rode it. I couldn't stop grinning from under my helmet. I didn't mind the relentless drizzle, the cold wind which was chilling my bones.
I never thought I would get to ride a cruiser, even more so, in the USA. But I just had a spur of the moment thought of getting my Learner's permit for a motorcycle and then joined the Pennsylvania State run Motorcycle Safety Programme. Thank God for them! I got to ride a motorbike here.

I have 2 more classes and then a test. Ma was very scared that I am doing this. But in my heart I know I will not take unnecessary risks. Its not the speed that thrills me... its not the adrenaline rush that I am after.
I dream of riding the roads lined with beautiful trees, with no traffic, where you can just cruise along and watch the scenes go by. But totally being part of the landscape. I miss my motorcycle in Bangalore. But I know I can never have a riding experience of the likes that I can have here. Its a hard thing to let go :(

Monday, September 26, 2005

born into brothels

while other kids revel in fairy tales, hear nursery rhymes, they hear abuse which could make a grown man blush, they see mothers sell their bodies for a pittance.
and yet, they have dreams, they know compassion, they respect humanity.
they, the children, the innocent victims of a cruel world.
all they need is a hand, to hold, to help them get up and step out of that ugliness, no one can erase the harsh reality of where they came from. they can still be given hope to be something else in the future....
before another little girl is forced to sell her soul, before another boy is made a trafficker of human respect....
i have to do something.