to be able to think

i must be trying too hard.... to come up with words to express myself, to come up with colors to paint what i feel. the problem is not that i am unable to find the means of expression, the problem is i no longer think.. i no longer feel. there is nothing that moves me anymore. is it that my heart and mind have become so distant and cold that nothing can get to it?
i live in this open space.. with an empty space for miles and miles around me.
nothing and no one can reach me.
i reach out sometimes, smile, say hi, make a polite conversation, and then slip back inside my coccoon..
what kind of transformation's happening within me, i do not know. i cannot begin to comprehend how i can come out of it again. how i can become who i used to be, a bass note on an old piano had got me so low for days. can i reach that point?
i need to find myself again.... dig down deep and lift open the grave on what used to be me...... i must do it before it becomes too late.....