crossroads

sometimes life has you on the knees... too tired to get up again, to start walking. you are left wishing that the earth would just swallow you up into its womb so you never have to stand up again. so you could just sleep there forever, for eternity...

i sat there on the bench watching the sun set into the horizon. the diminishing light, brilliant in flaming orange, setting the forest ablaze in golden hue... as the sun went down, the colors only exploded more violently into the sky... before it turned into a beautiful purple, a hazy mauve.... to be engulfed into darkness...

can i shine as magical when my day's done? when i am going down into the night, can i burn my brightest?

i am on my knees now. i have no urge or desire to stand up and walk again. i wish i am engulfed into the folds of this earth to never have to see another day again.

i wish i didnt wish to fade away anymore..

to be able to think

i must be trying too hard.... to come up with words to express myself, to come up with colors to paint what i feel. the problem is not that i am unable to find the means of expression, the problem is i no longer think.. i no longer feel. there is nothing that moves me anymore. is it that my heart and mind have become so distant and cold that nothing can get to it?
i live in this open space.. with an empty space for miles and miles around me.
nothing and no one can reach me.
i reach out sometimes, smile, say hi, make a polite conversation, and then slip back inside my coccoon..
what kind of transformation's happening within me, i do not know. i cannot begin to comprehend how i can come out of it again. how i can become who i used to be, a bass note on an old piano had got me so low for days. can i reach that point?
i need to find myself again.... dig down deep and lift open the grave on what used to be me...... i must do it before it becomes too late.....